Tag Archives: baby

“Yo mamma so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes”

Mike drew this for me for Mother's Day. (Missing faces are kind of his thing.)

Mike drew this for me for Mother’s Day. (Missing faces are kind of his thing.) Creepy, but sweet.

It’s Mother’s Day. And for the first time, it’s my day.

Although I’ve held the title for more than 9 months now, it still seems so hard to believe sometimes. That I’m a mom. A mother. I have children. All of those “Yo mamma” jokes are about me now.

As I’ve mentioned before, growing up I was always so terrified of having kids. I had never been a “baby person”. I just didn’t see the appeal. Everything babies did made me gag. All that drooling, spitting up, pooping… No thanks. I didn’t want any part of it.

Yet here I am. A mother — of twins no less — and enjoying the hell out of it.

Sure, there are days that really test my patience. Days where I wish I could just stay in bed and let the girls fend for themselves. Hell, I don’t exactly love getting spit up on. Or changing poop-filled diapers. Or getting sneezed on by someone with a mouth full of pureed peas (totally happened the other day). Yet despite the unpleasant messes it brings, motherhood has been an amazing experience so far.

Looking at those little faces and knowing that I made them… That they came from my body and here they are now… these little people, laughing and playing. It’s beyond incredible.

I feel so lucky to have been given this gift of motherhood. As sappy as that sounds, I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. It really is a gift, and I hope that I always embrace it — split pea sneezes and all.

Vines & boxes.

I finally got around to putting together the “Late April” edition of “2 weeks in 2 minutes”. Better late than never, no? Hopefully I don’t lose interest in making them anytime soon. I love that I can include so many little glimpses of our days in one cute little video. They’re long enough to get an idea of what we were up to, yet short enough that it doesn’t feel like I’m watching old Aunt Ida’s Florida vacation slides.

The next couple of weeks are going to be exciting for me, mail-wise. (Yes, I consider good mail days “exciting”… That’s my life, folks.) I have 4 subscription boxes coming my way. Woo! I’ll be getting my May Conscious Box, my first Citrus Lane box (got the 1st month for half off), my first Daily Dose of Green box (got 3 months for the price of 2), and the May Stork Stack box (won a free month for 4th place in their “Cutest Baby” contest!).

I’ll post the box reveals/reviews as they arrive. I love reading box reviews on other blogs, so it only makes sense that I write my own too. Well, as long as I can afford to get some boxes. I have no clue how people can afford multiple subscriptions… shizz can get expensive!  (Thank you, promo codes!)

Alright, enough box babble… Here’s the late April video (made with Vine, as always):

Note: This post contained a few affiliate links. Click away! ;) 

Digital photography, how I love you…

NINE MONTHS!

This time I’m gonna skip the “oh my god they’ve grown so faaaast” junk & just get right to the photos. Cos there’s lots of ‘em. (I may have taken 259. So yeah. Lots.)

There's a fan up there, and it is VERY interesting.

There’s a fan up there, and it is VERY interesting.

The fan is no longer interesting.

The fan is no longer interesting.

"Um, you are NOT pointing your butt at me, Chloe..."

“Um, you are NOT pointing your butt at me, Chloe…”

"Raaaaawwwrrrr!"

“Raaaaawwwrrrr!”

Chloe is really pushing it...

Chloe is really pushing it…

Someone is NOT in a pleasant mood...

Someone is NOT in a pleasant mood…

"I think Chloe needs a timeout, mom."

“I think Chloe needs a timeout, mom.”

...

"Uh... Why are we on the timeout chair TOGETHER?"

“Uh… Why are we on the timeout chair TOGETHER?”

"I don't even BELONG here... Chloe was the bad one... This is crap..."

“I don’t even BELONG here… Chloe was the bad one… This is crap…”

"Get OFF me Chloe..."

“Get OFF me Chloe…”

"I need a nap. Being your sister is exhausting."

“I need a nap. Being your sister is exhausting.”

I’ll stop myself here. I assure you, there are a LOT more I could post… but I’ll spare you the other 200+ photos. That would make for one mighty long blog post (and many, many unfollowers).

It’s never too early to decide on a career…

I suppose I should be embarrassed (ashamed?) to admit this, but… My babies are addicted to judge shows. And commercials. Especially commercials featuring attorneys. Coincidence?

Sure, I put kid-friendly shows on Netflix for them too. Well, mostly Yo Gabba Gabba (tell me those songs aren’t catchy!). But nothing holds their attention more than a thrilling episode of Judge Joe Brown or an obnoxious commercial for local personal injury attorneys.

I think it all goes back to the womb. When I was pregnant last summer, I was stuck on bed rest and spent my days sprawled out on the couch watching daytime TV. Being that we don’t have cable, daytime TV = non-stop judge shows. Judge Mathis, Judge Alex, Judge Judy, Judge Marilyn Milian, that divorce court judge, and good ol’ Judge Joe Brown. I guess it’s only natural that they feel a connection to them now. Um… right?

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to make them their own little attorney ads to get them ready for their inevitable future careers. (Too soon?)

Hopefully the statute of limitations will have run out on this by the time they turn 18... Don't sue me, girls!

Hopefully the statute of limitations will have run out on this before they turn 18.

If you've watched any judge shows, you KNOW this shit happens ALL THE TIME. I don't get it.

If you’ve watched any judge shows, you KNOW this shit happens ALL THE TIME. I don’t get it.

Chloe is shocked that someone would punch you in the nose. She will FIGHT to get you the results that you deserve!

Chloe is shocked that someone would punch you in the nose. She will FIGHT to get you the results that you deserve! (Ev is kinda confused by the whole thing.)

I doubt someone would sue over a stolen hose, but hey, it rhymes with "Rose".

I doubt someone would sue over a stolen hose, but hey, it rhymes with “Rose”.

Swings are… fun?

We took the girls to the park yesterday with one goal in mind: Some good old fashioned springtime swing time! Weee! 

I LOVED swings when I was little (hell, I still do today), so I was looking forward to seeing the pure joy on the girls’ faces as we pushed them through the air for the very first time. The giggles of delight as they excitedly swung higher and higher…

Soooo you can imagine my disappointment when things ended up looking more like… well, this:

Weeeee?

Weeeee?

"Why am I in a rubber bucket with leg holes?"

“Why am I in a rubber bucket with leg holes?”

"Mom, this thing smells like other babies' butts..."

“Mom, this thing smells like other babies’ butts…”

"So... Is this supposed to be fun or something? I... don't get it."

“So… Is this supposed to be fun or something? I… don’t get it.”

"Hey Chloe! Does yours smell like other babies' butts too?"

“Hey Chloe! Does yours smell like other babies’ butts too?”

Ah, babies.

We’re gonna need a bigger photo album…

The girls’ nursery doesn’t get too much use during the daytime, which is sad since it’s such a cozy little room. So a few days ago, as we were getting the girls ready for their baths, I decided to do a quick photo shoot in there. The lighting was perfect, so I thought the shots would be awesome. And they probably would have been… if I had bothered to adjust my camera’s white balance setting from “incandescent” to “sunlight”. Whoops. My bad, yo.

Luckily, with a little help from Picasa, I adjusted the color enough to make the photos look “warmer”. They still look kinda “off”, but I actually kinda like the end result.

Okay, enough babble… Enjoy “Pre-Bath Fun with the Rosebuds”…

Rawwwr!

“Wait, hold up mom…”

"My ear is stuck under this bow thing..."

“My ear is stuck under this bow thing…”

"Can you move it? ...No?"

“Can you move it? …What? …No?!”

"BWAHAHA Mom said no! Sucks to be you, Chloe!"

“BWAHAHA Mom said no! Sucks to be you, Chloe!”

Can you maybe try a different angle? Or crop my ear out?

“Can you maybe try a different angle? Or crop my ear out?”

Go take some shots of Ev now mom...

Go take some shots of Ev now, mom…

Huh? My turn?

“Huh? My turn?”

Look mom! I'm a birdie!!

“Look mom! I’m a birdie!!”

Now I'm a... um... slug.

“Now I’m a… um… slug.”

We're done mom... just bathe us already.

Alright, we’re done mom… just bathe us already.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?*

8 months!

Yesterday the girls turned 8 months old.

In-sane.

How did this even happen? Where did my teeny little babies go?! Ahhhh!!

In keeping with tradition, I took their monthly “sit on the couch/lay down with letter magnets” photos yesterday afternoon. But I also took some shots of them in their nursery, pre-bath. Both sets produced a few keepers, so in true “proud mamma” fashion, I’m going to share both of them. However, I won’t totally bombard my poor readers with a gazillion baby photos at once. (You’re welcome.) I’ll save the nursery photos for another post.

Soooo here’s the “usual” (boring?) shots:

Fun fact: I've had these magnets on my fridge for as long as I can remember. Way before even considering having kids. I'm cool like that.

Fun fact: I’ve had these magnets on my fridge for as long as I can remember. Way before even considering having kids. I’m cool(?) like that.

Chloe has been the queen of goofy/awkward faces lately. Ev is not impressed.

Chloe has been the queen of goofy/awkward faces lately. Ev is not impressed.

"Don't talk smack about my sister, mom..."

“Don’t talk smack about my sister, mom…”

"What? Who you talkin' smack about, mamma?"

“What? Who you talkin’ smack about, mamma?”

"Talk smack about us, you get no smiles!!"

“Talk smack about us, you get no smiles!!”

"Take all the pics you want, we're NOT gonna smile for you..."

“Take all the pics you want, we’re NOT gonna smile for you…”

"Did you hear that, mom? Chloe totally farted!"

“Woah! Did you hear that, mom? Chloe totally farted!”

"We still don't wanna smile... but... FARTS ARE HILARIOUS!!!"

“We still don’t wanna smile… but… FARTS ARE HILARIOUS!!!”

——————–

And here’s the “Late March 2013″ edition of “2 weeks in 2 minutes”:
(It was more like ONE minute, but eh… what can ya do…)

——————–

*cos 7 8 9.

Easter dresses: Nothing to smile about.

I’ve been finding myself saying this a lot lately: I am SO glad I had girls!

When we first found out that we were having twins, Mike and I both were hoping for “one of each”. Best of both worlds and all that. But once they told us that there were 2 little girls in there, it just felt RIGHT. (Well, to me. Mike was kinda bummed, which was to be expected. I mean, he’s pretty outnumbered now with 3 girls in the house. Poor dude.)

So yeah. Girls. Glad I have ‘em.

Reason #3789: Easter-freakin’-dresses!

Clearly I was a little more psyched about the dresses than they were...

Clearly I was a little more psyched about the dresses than they were…

Sup, thugs?

Sup, thugs?

Ev: Mom... I'm really not feeling this dress right now...

Ev: Mom… I’m really not feeling this dress right now…

Ev: Like... really not feeling it...

Ev: Like… really not feeling it…

I HATE THIS STUPID DRESSSSSS!!!!!

“I HATE THIS STUPID DRESSSSSS!!!!!”

"What the heck, mom? Way to make Ev cry on Easter..."

“What the heck, mom? Way to make Ev cry on Easter…”

Chloe: "It's gonna be a long day..."

Chloe: “It’s gonna be a long day…”

"Still glad you had girls?"

“Still glad you had girls?”

We visited a rabbit but nobunny cared.

Total indifference.

That’s how I’d sum up the girls’ meeting with the Easter Bunny on Sunday. Pure “yep, just sittin’ here on a giant rabbit, no big deal…” indifference.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, given how “thrilled” they were to meet Santa.

Thankfully, unlike Santa, there was no ridiculous fee to visit this toothy-grinned, oversized rodent bunny wabbit. The fellow parents were well-behaved, despite it being a zillion degrees in the “bunny room”. The line was long(ish), but we were in and out in 30 minutes or so. Yeah, one of the girls may or may not have vomited on the floor afterwards, but overall it was a successful outing. Yay!

"Um... We're sitting on a what?!"

“Um… We’re sitting on a what?!”

"Ehhh... whatever."

“Ehhh… whatever.”

Of course they were all smiles AFTER the visit was over…

One year later…

Well, that was fast.

Tuesday marked my big one-year blog anniversary. Needless to say, I had quite the party. What? You weren’t invited? Man, you totally missed out then. Martha Stewart went all out on my rosebud-themed decorations & fancypants 5-course vegan dinner. Oh, and my dear friend Oprah surprised all of my guests with pink-hued cars of their choice. Good times.

So yeah, as you can imagine, a lot has changed since my very first blog post.

Remember this? (Mike edited it a bit since the last posting):

Clearly, I’ve had my little rosebuds. That whole “getting them out of me” thing was no fun. Nor was the pain/constipation that followed. Not being able to poop is no joke.

Speaking of poop, double the babies means double the crap. Literally. I’ve changed more poopy diapers than I could have ever imagined… and it’s far from over. Wanna know exactly how many diapers I’ve changed? (Of course you do!) Welp, you’re in luck, cos there’s an app for that!

According to “Baby Connect”, I’ve changed a total of 1281 diapers since August. — But wait! There’s more! That’s only for Chloe. Little Everly produced 1289 bundles of goodness. So, in the last 7 months, Mike and I have changed at least 2570 dirty diapers. Holy. Crapola.

I never thought I’d get used to something as unpleasant as changing a diaper, but I have.

I also never thought I’d be able to suction boogers out of a baby’s nose without gagging.
Or get peed on and not freak out.
Or laugh while someone’s pooping on me.
Or love someone SO DANG MUCH.

I’m a totally different person than who I was a year ago. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, and I have to remind myself that “I have babies!!”. But yup, I’m a freakin’ MOM now. I created LIFE. No, I created TWO LIVES. At once! How awesome is that? (Pretty daaamn awesome.)

As someone who’s never been the “mothering” type, who’s never been comfortable around babies, it’s hard to believe how much I’m digging this new role. I love being a mom. It’s truly the best thing I’ve ever done. And as trying as the days may be, with teething/feeding troubles/middle-of-the-night freakouts… It’s all so, so worth it.

Their existence, just the fact that they’re here, brings more joy than I ever could have dreamed.

These guys could poop on me all day & I'd still the heck out of 'em. (Ok, maybe not ALL day.)

These guys could poop on me all day & I’d still love the heck out of ‘em. (Ok, maybe not ALL day.)

Don't poke the poor turtle's eye out, Ev.

Don’t poke the poor turtle’s eye out, Ev.

Okay, the turtle's safe now. Good.

Okay, the turtle’s safe now. Good.

Aw, crap... Now she's gonna attack her sister. Watch out, Chloe!!

Aw, crap… Now she’s gonna attack her sister. Watch out, Chloe!!

Time to put the camera down...

Someone’s been watching too much “Walking Dead”…
That’s a kid’s show, right?

Almost forgot — Here’s the third installment of “2 weeks in 2 minutes”. Enjoy!

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